Is this where Einstein got his ideas?

I'm adjusting... mabye it's best left at that. I never had any false hope that it would get easier when the mission was over, but near the end I'd have been lying if I had told you I wasn't eagerly anticipating the change of routine... Well shoot-dang brother, quite the change it has been, and continues to be. I can't even pretend to be ahead of the curve on this one. The Elders in my area here in San Diego stopped by tonight, and I told them that the strangest thing was how the elasticity of time didn't revert to the innocent state I seem to recall it having before my Mission (perhaps it's only the nostalgic irridescence of memory anyway). It seems that before, time moved only forward, always at a steady pace. Then on my mission, I had been out for a year and had only been in the MTC the week before. Now here I am, I've only been home for a literal 4 1/2 months and it feels like I've been back for a year, and like I only got off the plane yesterday. I've been up and down so many times I think I may have either whiplash or an impacted spinal column. Sure, part of it has to do with depression, related medications, and the inherent, aberrent behaviours associated with such a drastic shift in climate and routine, but damn. I'm barely making it. On my last day at work, as I was apologising, a co-woker, Dan, told me his motto was "Adapt and move forward." I think his motto changes according to the situation at hand, but that was a good one. Can I do it? That's a good question. I'm pretty tired of the answer depending on which day I'm asked. Do I always do what I already know I should because I've tried and proven it? Do I always read my scriptures? No. Pray? No. Eat a balanced, healthy diet? No. At least exercise? Hell no. Why? Why don't I just suck it up and do some part of it, make some kind of effort? Why do I talk myself out of action when I'm down, even though I know that action would help? Do I always wait for a spur? ...
Why am I making this known in the limitless bounds of the ether-tubes? Hmm, I dunno, perhaps because it feels kind of like living, only safer. That sounds probably more fatalist than it really is. What I mean to say is that it feels like it's been a while since I've done something that scares me- even a little. Something to make me, you know, live a little. What does it take to scare me? Good question. Exposure. I'm not afraid to lose my job- even though when I quit the resulting emotion was more complex than I'd anticipated. I'm not afraid to fail- failure is actually my safety net. I am afraid of people and what they think of me, to an extent. I'm afraid to be seen for what I am, to be exposed to the point where my true and irrefuteable nature can no longer be denied, when others, but especially myself, must acknowledge my greatest fallibility, my most exploitable flaw:

I am undeniably, unmistakeably, flawlessly, and above all else perfectly....
HUMAN- As evidenced by my propensity towards irony... and milkshakes...